Was ich will, bekomm ich auch

I've failed. It's over. And it's all my fault.
The wrong one is me.
I'm hating this. The worst thing of all is that I am concerned. I'm bothered. I'm upset. I'm insane.
I'm scared, so scared.
Someone help me.

What's wrong in me?
Cos'ho di sbagliato?

Is there a particular reason why I dwell on my memories and can't carry on?

I need to forget.

Yesterday I met the right one. And I let him go.

Dreaming's hard
Living's harder still

Have I ever said I hate ambiguity?
No? Well, I'm saying it now.

Terrific! My step-brother's just told me he's getting married in August, and I'm soooo happy! My sister-in-law is Russian, and very beautiful, too. I hoped it would be her in the end. When he told me they're going to marry in Russia, though, I wished she weren't Russian. I would really like to attend their wedding, and I can't. Just hope they'll soon have a baby. I'm looking forward to being called Aunt Catherine  Ok, Catherine is not my real name, but does it matter? No, it doesn't (I love when I ask questions and then reply myself)!
Oh, about last night. It was nice, really. But I was so tired and sleepy that I wasn't quite myself. I'm always so talkative, and last night I wasn't - or at least I talked less than I usually do. I was about to fall asleep in the end - it always happens when I watch tv and the light's off. We watched two films (actually, one and a half), waiting for our pizzas to arrive. When they did, we were starving! They were good as usual, at least. Almost as tasty as our typical discussions about what we're going to do if we're still single at the age of 28 (I still wonder why Dani and "John" have chosen 28 not 30 or 25). Pity we didn't talk about teeth, but I'm sure "John" and Fran would have not understood what the point was. Actually, nobody would.
And if I'm single at 28, I'll rape G., make him pregnant and then force him to come and live with me. (No marriage, please! The Pope would appreciate it, and what HE appreciates, I don't)

Tonight, I'm meeting my friends at last. We should have met yesterday but, as I had foreseen, it was impossible. We decided we would meet next week, but we ended up meeting tonight instead. Which is not bad at all, I must admit: although I hate going out on Saturday, I really want to spend some time with them. Since we're meeting at my sister's (she's not really my sister, but we call each other a sister. Actually, we get on better than real sisters), my little problem with other people won't really be a problem. Don't worry, I'm no vampire!  Just a misanthrope. I've hated crowds and Saturdays for quite a long time now, and this makes me somewhat proud. Don't ask me why, I don't know.
Pizzaaaaaaaa, wait for me!!!

Passed! I'm sure I'll pass the test I had today. Well, I've always taken it for granted that I would, since I've studied rather hard and I like that subject much. I'm not at all sure I'll get top marks, though. And that was my aim.
But I was feeling pretty good. As I had planned, I sat next to that person. First time I succeeded, and that's a good sign, isn't it? So I must have done well. It's stupid, but I do believe in good signs, and that was one.
Pity there's something else which is not good at all. I never go out with my friends - either I'm tired, or I don't feel like to. But I'm going out with them tonight, looking forward to seeing them after such a long time.
Guess what?
It's raining.

I felt something in the rain today.

If there's acceptance, whence sin?
Better die than content oneself.